4. Roy Keane + Tony Mowbraw = Robbie Keane
3. Tom Cruise + Johnny Depp = Niko Kranjcar
2. Kids' cartoon Pikachu + Cameron Diaz = Roman Pavlychenko
1. Mickey Rourke + Lord of the Rings' Gimli = HRH Harry Redknapp
Friday, 11 March 2011
Top 4 On Friday - Spurs maths equations
Ever get the feeling some of our players are a bit Jekyll and Hyde, or that you've seen somewhere before? Well here's the Taxi For Maicon rundown of what, or who, constitutes some of our biggest names.
4. Roy Keane + Tony Mowbraw = Robbie Keane
3. Tom Cruise + Johnny Depp = Niko Kranjcar
2. Kids' cartoon Pikachu + Cameron Diaz = Roman Pavlychenko
1. Mickey Rourke + Lord of the Rings' Gimli = HRH Harry Redknapp
4. Roy Keane + Tony Mowbraw = Robbie Keane
3. Tom Cruise + Johnny Depp = Niko Kranjcar
2. Kids' cartoon Pikachu + Cameron Diaz = Roman Pavlychenko
1. Mickey Rourke + Lord of the Rings' Gimli = HRH Harry Redknapp
Thursday, 10 March 2011
A worthwhile ruination of European football
I've always loved the dynamics of European football; the way a two-leg tie can swing back and forth, the sub-plots and mental battle produced by the away goal rule and the fact a single goal can turn a game on its head make it one of the most dramatic footballing stages on the planet and as a rule I enjoy watching it.
Last night, however, that all changed.
I was as ecstatic with the result as the rest of us but the 94-minute period leading up to the final whistle was probably the most tense, nailbiting football experience of my entire life.
As a neutral, you can sit back and thrive on the tension and take in the various subplots and tactical battles but being a supporter of a team involved makes the whole thing a different prospect.
Yesterday I found myself totally immersed in every pass, every tackle, every touch. Time slowed to a crawl as I watched the clock tick over in earnest, breathing a sigh of relief every time the ball went out of play.
It made no difference to me that Milan subdued our attacking game, it made no difference where the ball was on the pitch, my only hope was that we would get it back. "Keep it" and "think", I continually mumbled out loud, greeting every misplaced pass or loose touch with "Arrrgh" and "Nnnnr" noises.
Only at half-time, stepping back from the precipice and seeing some of the highlights could I make any sense of this alien way that our team were playing - gradually it began to fit into place.
By the time my dad rang claiming, "They're all over us, we're being torn apart, how it's still 0-0 I have no idea", I had just about come to terms with what was going on and looked to reassure him.
"We've got a one-goal lead, Dad, we can't go steaming in or we'll lose it in a flash. This Milan side are much better than they were at the San Siro, they're fast, fluid and dangerous but we're keeping them at arm's length.
(Obviously, I'm elaborating slightly, I don't actually speak like this, especially to my dad, but the ideas were the same)
"Look at how well we've kept our shape, we've been rigid and except a few wobbles, we've been tough to break down, it doesn't matter that we're not attacking, it's 0-0 and we're half way there."
The second half was much of the same, Spurs were a bit more sprightly going forward, we had a bit of confidence but could we really see this out? An actual nil-nil? Surely not.
The build up had been all about Gareth Bale. Given the column inches devoted to his possible fitness, you'd be forgiven for thinking the whole Spurs squad had been massaging and pampering the Welsh whizzard to get him into shape, escorting him down steps and up kerbs to protect him, maybe even feeding him grapes and reading him bedtime stories.
And that was fine, while the circus deflected Milan's attention towards Gareth Bale, Redknapp must have been working on defending as a unit. The two banks of four in our 4-4-1-1 formation seldom wavered and Sandro further cemented his starting place with an assured performance.
The Brazilian is rapidly becoming our very own Thames Barrier and broke down wave after wave of Milan attack, winning the ball in key positions and putting us on the front foot as he broke out of defence.
Only in the 87th minute did I seriously start to entertain the thought that, "Hang on, we might actually do this," And, from that moment, it was back to clock-watching and nailbiting.
I'm now left with no fingernails, sore fingers from where I ran out of nails, and my innocent enjoyment of European football has been well and truly ruined - but I still can't wait to go through it all again next month!
Last night, however, that all changed.
I was as ecstatic with the result as the rest of us but the 94-minute period leading up to the final whistle was probably the most tense, nailbiting football experience of my entire life.
As a neutral, you can sit back and thrive on the tension and take in the various subplots and tactical battles but being a supporter of a team involved makes the whole thing a different prospect.
Yesterday I found myself totally immersed in every pass, every tackle, every touch. Time slowed to a crawl as I watched the clock tick over in earnest, breathing a sigh of relief every time the ball went out of play.
It made no difference to me that Milan subdued our attacking game, it made no difference where the ball was on the pitch, my only hope was that we would get it back. "Keep it" and "think", I continually mumbled out loud, greeting every misplaced pass or loose touch with "Arrrgh" and "Nnnnr" noises.
Only at half-time, stepping back from the precipice and seeing some of the highlights could I make any sense of this alien way that our team were playing - gradually it began to fit into place.
By the time my dad rang claiming, "They're all over us, we're being torn apart, how it's still 0-0 I have no idea", I had just about come to terms with what was going on and looked to reassure him.
"We've got a one-goal lead, Dad, we can't go steaming in or we'll lose it in a flash. This Milan side are much better than they were at the San Siro, they're fast, fluid and dangerous but we're keeping them at arm's length.
(Obviously, I'm elaborating slightly, I don't actually speak like this, especially to my dad, but the ideas were the same)
"Look at how well we've kept our shape, we've been rigid and except a few wobbles, we've been tough to break down, it doesn't matter that we're not attacking, it's 0-0 and we're half way there."
The second half was much of the same, Spurs were a bit more sprightly going forward, we had a bit of confidence but could we really see this out? An actual nil-nil? Surely not.
The build up had been all about Gareth Bale. Given the column inches devoted to his possible fitness, you'd be forgiven for thinking the whole Spurs squad had been massaging and pampering the Welsh whizzard to get him into shape, escorting him down steps and up kerbs to protect him, maybe even feeding him grapes and reading him bedtime stories.
And that was fine, while the circus deflected Milan's attention towards Gareth Bale, Redknapp must have been working on defending as a unit. The two banks of four in our 4-4-1-1 formation seldom wavered and Sandro further cemented his starting place with an assured performance.
The Brazilian is rapidly becoming our very own Thames Barrier and broke down wave after wave of Milan attack, winning the ball in key positions and putting us on the front foot as he broke out of defence.
Only in the 87th minute did I seriously start to entertain the thought that, "Hang on, we might actually do this," And, from that moment, it was back to clock-watching and nailbiting.
I'm now left with no fingernails, sore fingers from where I ran out of nails, and my innocent enjoyment of European football has been well and truly ruined - but I still can't wait to go through it all again next month!
Wednesday, 9 March 2011
Falling foul of the "key" decision
Some people are quick to gloat in the faces of Arsenal fans, taking a lot of satisfaction from the fact that they were dumped out of the Champions League last night - personally I see it as warning shot of just how cruel European football can be.
It's a sight you see only too often - an English side bemoaning bad refereeing as they crash out of Europe. Everyone remember Drogba screaming down the television cameras in 2009?
Regardless what anyone says about Barcelona deserving the victory, there is no denying that the referee had a huge impact on the game by sending off Robin Van Persie in what can only be described as a ridiculous decision.
Arsenal may have been played off the park by one of the best attacking teams on the planet, they may have been swarmed when in possession and Barcelona may have pitched their tent in the visitors' half of the Nou Camp, but who is really to say that, with 11 players still on the pitch, Arsenal couldn't have protected their slender advantage?
At the very least, it might have been Van Persie bearing down on the Barcelona goal in the 90th minute instead of Nicklas Bendtner, and it could have turned the game on its head.
Spurs are on a great run so far in Europe, but we've done it largely without interruption from referees. It takes a very forgetful Spurs fan to think that our 1-0 lead is by any means solid.
A long day of people telling us that Spurs are in pole position, in control, and favourites to go through is already underway. Of course, as Spurs fans we know that our side are capable of beating Milan - if Milan play into our hands then we're capable of blowing them away - but we're all only too familiar with just how delicate the mindset of our side can be.
In 2007, we blew our quarter-final against Sevilla by conceding two goals in 8 minutes at home in the second leg of a tie that we just needed to win 1-0. Today's squad is better in both attitude and quality but we're all familiar with the alarming tendency we've developed this season of imploding at the beginning of games.
Rafa Van Der Vaart's broad and experienced shoulders will be key to settling the side's early nerves in the "white hot" atmosphere. However, if we're faced with the wrong referee, decisions are bound to go against us.
Spurs can't spend the game in fear of stepping out of line but it's how we react to these moments that is so important, so as not to tip the balance in favour of our opponents and so as not to become another English club complaining to officials come the final whistle.
See you on the other side!
It's a sight you see only too often - an English side bemoaning bad refereeing as they crash out of Europe. Everyone remember Drogba screaming down the television cameras in 2009?
Regardless what anyone says about Barcelona deserving the victory, there is no denying that the referee had a huge impact on the game by sending off Robin Van Persie in what can only be described as a ridiculous decision.
Arsenal may have been played off the park by one of the best attacking teams on the planet, they may have been swarmed when in possession and Barcelona may have pitched their tent in the visitors' half of the Nou Camp, but who is really to say that, with 11 players still on the pitch, Arsenal couldn't have protected their slender advantage?
At the very least, it might have been Van Persie bearing down on the Barcelona goal in the 90th minute instead of Nicklas Bendtner, and it could have turned the game on its head.
Spurs are on a great run so far in Europe, but we've done it largely without interruption from referees. It takes a very forgetful Spurs fan to think that our 1-0 lead is by any means solid.
A long day of people telling us that Spurs are in pole position, in control, and favourites to go through is already underway. Of course, as Spurs fans we know that our side are capable of beating Milan - if Milan play into our hands then we're capable of blowing them away - but we're all only too familiar with just how delicate the mindset of our side can be.
In 2007, we blew our quarter-final against Sevilla by conceding two goals in 8 minutes at home in the second leg of a tie that we just needed to win 1-0. Today's squad is better in both attitude and quality but we're all familiar with the alarming tendency we've developed this season of imploding at the beginning of games.
Rafa Van Der Vaart's broad and experienced shoulders will be key to settling the side's early nerves in the "white hot" atmosphere. However, if we're faced with the wrong referee, decisions are bound to go against us.
Spurs can't spend the game in fear of stepping out of line but it's how we react to these moments that is so important, so as not to tip the balance in favour of our opponents and so as not to become another English club complaining to officials come the final whistle.
See you on the other side!
Tuesday, 8 March 2011
Nevermind the jargon, what will it look like!?
The club's official website has today announced a new shirt manufacturing deal with US-based company Under Armour, starting in 2012/2013.
Daniel Levy, Tottenham Hotspur Chairman, said: "We are delighted that Under Armour will become our new technical partner from 2012 onwards. They are an extremely ambitious brand with global aspirations, making them ideal partners for Tottenham Hotspur.”
Blah, blah, blah, the usual business jargon then. On forums and blogs, the most popular response to the news seems to be, "Who the **** are they?"
Fans generally want to see one of the big names on the kit, such as Nike or Adidas, although this season's Puma shirt is the best I've seen in years. In general, the club will go for the best deal financially but what we really want to know is what the shirts will look like?
The worry with having an Stateside firm make our kits is that we'll be watching our boys in American football shirts, basketball vests, Budweiser T-shirts or dressed as hot dogs.
Well, Under Armour make this season's kits for Greek side Aris Thessalonika (left) and German side Hannover 96. Obviously it's still two years off, so the current template isn't much of an indication but you'll be very pleased to see that they do at least look like football shirts.
Daniel Levy, Tottenham Hotspur Chairman, said: "We are delighted that Under Armour will become our new technical partner from 2012 onwards. They are an extremely ambitious brand with global aspirations, making them ideal partners for Tottenham Hotspur.”
Blah, blah, blah, the usual business jargon then. On forums and blogs, the most popular response to the news seems to be, "Who the **** are they?"
Fans generally want to see one of the big names on the kit, such as Nike or Adidas, although this season's Puma shirt is the best I've seen in years. In general, the club will go for the best deal financially but what we really want to know is what the shirts will look like?
The worry with having an Stateside firm make our kits is that we'll be watching our boys in American football shirts, basketball vests, Budweiser T-shirts or dressed as hot dogs.
Well, Under Armour make this season's kits for Greek side Aris Thessalonika (left) and German side Hannover 96. Obviously it's still two years off, so the current template isn't much of an indication but you'll be very pleased to see that they do at least look like football shirts.
Some sort of perspective
I've had to wait a day before writing about the Wolves game. If I hadn't, you'd probably just be reading a four-letter diatribe of 'Why?' this and 'Why?' that.
Now that the nerves have settled and my blood has stopped boiling, I can take a proper look at the situation - how Harry Redknapp manages to immediately compose himself and do a post-match interview is beyond me.
The man's got nerves of steel, and he has an uncanny ability to put the whole thing in some sort of perspective. We're all sat there, head in hands, concerned that our wonderful journey is at an end, and 'Arry comes out and says "That's football", then points out that Wolves have beaten Man United, Chelsea and Man City at Molineux and suddenly we all feel that little bit better about things.
Make no mistake, our last two results have made a Top 4 finish an uphill struggle, but Spurs have never made things easy for themselves and, the result aside, there were a lot of encouraging signs to come from yesterday.
Obviously, the sight of Gareth Bale careering down the flank is a timely boost as we look towards another difficult run-in. And, never mind Kolo Toure, I want some of whatever Jermain Defoe's been having, as both those goals were not only out of the top drawer, but completely out of nothing - and that surprise element is something we've been badly missing.
Defoe is famed for slamming the ball home from 18 yards with no regard for the keeper's positioning, but both strikes yesterday were placed carefully out of Wayne Hennessey's reach. Now, if he can just learn to take it round the keeper in a one-on-one situation… one step at a time.
It was nice to see Roman Pavlyuchenko on the scoresheet, you have to go back to November for the last time two of our strikers scored in the same game. But for me, he puts very little into his off-the-ball game. Countless times yesterday he gave up the moment he was dispossessed, in stark contrast, Jermain Defoe harried and chased down every ball, highlighting the lack of effort from the man alongside him, and maybe that's the reason Redknapp is hesitant to give Pav a run in the side.
Sandro had a much better game on Sunday and is starting to look like he's getting to grips with the Premier League. He's got a good awareness, he seems to know when to get stuck in or pile forward and when to hold off, protect the space behind. Even if his development isn't as meteroic as Bale's last season, in future seasons he could prove to be the solid general midfielder we've been craving for so long.
Chelsea may have beaten Blackpool last night but then their following Premier League game is against Man City, so someone is guaranteed to drop points. Our next three games are West Ham, Wigan and Stoke so finger crossed we can make up some ground.
If all that's not enough, then we still have to play both Chelsea and Man City so, whilst recent results have not been what we'd hoped for, the situation is still very much in our hands.
Now that the nerves have settled and my blood has stopped boiling, I can take a proper look at the situation - how Harry Redknapp manages to immediately compose himself and do a post-match interview is beyond me.
The man's got nerves of steel, and he has an uncanny ability to put the whole thing in some sort of perspective. We're all sat there, head in hands, concerned that our wonderful journey is at an end, and 'Arry comes out and says "That's football", then points out that Wolves have beaten Man United, Chelsea and Man City at Molineux and suddenly we all feel that little bit better about things.
Make no mistake, our last two results have made a Top 4 finish an uphill struggle, but Spurs have never made things easy for themselves and, the result aside, there were a lot of encouraging signs to come from yesterday.
Obviously, the sight of Gareth Bale careering down the flank is a timely boost as we look towards another difficult run-in. And, never mind Kolo Toure, I want some of whatever Jermain Defoe's been having, as both those goals were not only out of the top drawer, but completely out of nothing - and that surprise element is something we've been badly missing.
Defoe is famed for slamming the ball home from 18 yards with no regard for the keeper's positioning, but both strikes yesterday were placed carefully out of Wayne Hennessey's reach. Now, if he can just learn to take it round the keeper in a one-on-one situation… one step at a time.
It was nice to see Roman Pavlyuchenko on the scoresheet, you have to go back to November for the last time two of our strikers scored in the same game. But for me, he puts very little into his off-the-ball game. Countless times yesterday he gave up the moment he was dispossessed, in stark contrast, Jermain Defoe harried and chased down every ball, highlighting the lack of effort from the man alongside him, and maybe that's the reason Redknapp is hesitant to give Pav a run in the side.
Sandro had a much better game on Sunday and is starting to look like he's getting to grips with the Premier League. He's got a good awareness, he seems to know when to get stuck in or pile forward and when to hold off, protect the space behind. Even if his development isn't as meteroic as Bale's last season, in future seasons he could prove to be the solid general midfielder we've been craving for so long.
Chelsea may have beaten Blackpool last night but then their following Premier League game is against Man City, so someone is guaranteed to drop points. Our next three games are West Ham, Wigan and Stoke so finger crossed we can make up some ground.
If all that's not enough, then we still have to play both Chelsea and Man City so, whilst recent results have not been what we'd hoped for, the situation is still very much in our hands.
Friday, 4 March 2011
Waiting for Wolves - Day 10
In the last seven days Man City's Kolo Toure has been banned for failing a drugs test, Chelsea's training ground became a shooting range, Man United's manager was charged with misconduct and Arsenal missed out on yet another trophy to add to their six-year dry spell.
Who would have thought I've just described the Top Four? Yes, the current cream of the crop in the English Premier League are all plunging themselves into turmoil at a vital point in the season. But, having had 10 days without a game, us Spurs fans have speculated over everything possible, so in an effort not to tempt fate before Sunday's game, I'm just going to attempt to make Friday a bit of fun.
Here is my very own Top Four... Spurs-related Youtube vids, that is.
In fourth, a Spurs ball boy becomes an instant hero with the Shelf Side, picking out Loumpoutis' weak spot in our 6-1 victory over Anorthosis Famagusta in September 2007.
At three, 'Arry reacts in style as he's asked a stupid question at a press conference.. It was a close run between this and the Wheeler Dealer reaction.
In second place, there are a host of these Hitler skits, but this is a translation of his reaction to our Champions League Last-16 draw against Milan.
Worthy first place goes to this brilliant account of two Spurs fans' trip to Milan last month. A few further clicks will take you to a series of "Away Day" videos, all of which are brilliant.
Who would have thought I've just described the Top Four? Yes, the current cream of the crop in the English Premier League are all plunging themselves into turmoil at a vital point in the season. But, having had 10 days without a game, us Spurs fans have speculated over everything possible, so in an effort not to tempt fate before Sunday's game, I'm just going to attempt to make Friday a bit of fun.
Here is my very own Top Four... Spurs-related Youtube vids, that is.
In fourth, a Spurs ball boy becomes an instant hero with the Shelf Side, picking out Loumpoutis' weak spot in our 6-1 victory over Anorthosis Famagusta in September 2007.
At three, 'Arry reacts in style as he's asked a stupid question at a press conference.. It was a close run between this and the Wheeler Dealer reaction.
In second place, there are a host of these Hitler skits, but this is a translation of his reaction to our Champions League Last-16 draw against Milan.
Worthy first place goes to this brilliant account of two Spurs fans' trip to Milan last month. A few further clicks will take you to a series of "Away Day" videos, all of which are brilliant.
Wednesday, 2 March 2011
The irrational thought processes of a modern football fan
In the modern world, twelve days without a football match can only mean one thing - it must be summer, the close season. Nothing to play for, no poor records to worry about or good records to uphold, no injury concerns, just sun, clear skies and...
Wait, what's that? It's the middle of the season? You've got to be joking?
No I'm not joking. It is day eight of Spurs' 12-day break between games and, with only our loss at Blackpool to concentrate on, my mind is going into meltdown. We lost to Blackpool, for heaven's sake, that must mean we're terrible, doesn't it? We've lost it, we have no hope of fourth place and we're going to lose all our best players and our manager.
If I could step back and take a breath, I would see that it will all turn back and forth a few more times before the season is out but, having had so long to week to stew over our last result, my ability to process rational thought has ceased.
Basically, it's a form of cabin fever, and I'm sure other Spurs fans must be feeling it - forced to look elsewhere for kicks, on Sunday evening, folk stood foolishly outside their glass houses, throwing stones in the direction of our neighbours, Arsenal.
Jokes and insult filled forums and fanzines as Spurs fans fell about laughing at the Gunners' misfortune to have lost a cup, the final of which they stumbled into and, come the end of the season, they aren't going to care about.
Then yesterday, I'm sitting comfortably in my front room watching the Oscars highlights, when I flick channel to see Chelsea launch a brick into our patio doors, cracking our window of opportunity looking out over fourth spot and handing the bragging rights straight back to the now-realistic title challengers, Arsenal.
When I was younger, I'd come up with all manner of weird and wonderful reasons and explanations that proved Tottenham were better than their league position suggested.
It worked like this... In 1998, Spurs beat Newcastle 2-0 which meant that by default, because Newcastle had beaten Barcelona earlier that season, we were better than Barcelona. Add to that, the fact that Barcelona beat Real Madrid 3-0 in March 1998, and Real went on to win the European Cup, then Spurs must be better than the European Champions.
Experience tells us this logic is flawed. But that doesn't stop us applying similar rules week in week out . Only a few weeks ago even the papers screamed, "If Spurs can beat AC Milan in the San Siro, they can beat anyone."
Today, this simple logic, improper as it may be, is working heavily against me. It is telling me that if Wolves can beat Blackpool, and Manchester United moreover, then they can make short work of us.
If our last game had been the 1-0 victory over AC Milan, then I'm sure that by now we'd all be convinced we were on the cusp of an extended spell of European domination, but it had to be Blackpool didn't it.
There are still four days before our match at Wolves on Sunday, by which time we'll most likely be convinced of impending relegation, possible administration and all in training to attend tryouts for FC Hotspur of Tottenham?
Sorry, but this is the football season, and twelve days is too long.
Wait, what's that? It's the middle of the season? You've got to be joking?
No I'm not joking. It is day eight of Spurs' 12-day break between games and, with only our loss at Blackpool to concentrate on, my mind is going into meltdown. We lost to Blackpool, for heaven's sake, that must mean we're terrible, doesn't it? We've lost it, we have no hope of fourth place and we're going to lose all our best players and our manager.
If I could step back and take a breath, I would see that it will all turn back and forth a few more times before the season is out but, having had so long to week to stew over our last result, my ability to process rational thought has ceased.
Basically, it's a form of cabin fever, and I'm sure other Spurs fans must be feeling it - forced to look elsewhere for kicks, on Sunday evening, folk stood foolishly outside their glass houses, throwing stones in the direction of our neighbours, Arsenal.
Jokes and insult filled forums and fanzines as Spurs fans fell about laughing at the Gunners' misfortune to have lost a cup, the final of which they stumbled into and, come the end of the season, they aren't going to care about.
Then yesterday, I'm sitting comfortably in my front room watching the Oscars highlights, when I flick channel to see Chelsea launch a brick into our patio doors, cracking our window of opportunity looking out over fourth spot and handing the bragging rights straight back to the now-realistic title challengers, Arsenal.
When I was younger, I'd come up with all manner of weird and wonderful reasons and explanations that proved Tottenham were better than their league position suggested.
It worked like this... In 1998, Spurs beat Newcastle 2-0 which meant that by default, because Newcastle had beaten Barcelona earlier that season, we were better than Barcelona. Add to that, the fact that Barcelona beat Real Madrid 3-0 in March 1998, and Real went on to win the European Cup, then Spurs must be better than the European Champions.
Experience tells us this logic is flawed. But that doesn't stop us applying similar rules week in week out . Only a few weeks ago even the papers screamed, "If Spurs can beat AC Milan in the San Siro, they can beat anyone."
Today, this simple logic, improper as it may be, is working heavily against me. It is telling me that if Wolves can beat Blackpool, and Manchester United moreover, then they can make short work of us.
If our last game had been the 1-0 victory over AC Milan, then I'm sure that by now we'd all be convinced we were on the cusp of an extended spell of European domination, but it had to be Blackpool didn't it.
There are still four days before our match at Wolves on Sunday, by which time we'll most likely be convinced of impending relegation, possible administration and all in training to attend tryouts for FC Hotspur of Tottenham?
Sorry, but this is the football season, and twelve days is too long.
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